"How to Help" Workshops

AMEND is hosting free workshops every fourth Monday of each month on how friends and family members can assist and support victims of domestic violence. You can download the brochure in pdf form for more information.  Contact Kim to reserve your space at (303) 420-0412. This workshop is held at the Family Tree Administrative Building, 3805 Marshal Street, Wheat Ridge, CO 80033, in the first floor conference room.

How do I help someone I think is a victim of domestic violence?

Without realizing it, we all know someone who has been abused or who is currently being abused. While we may want to help, many of us may not know how. We often feel uncomfortable "butting in" to another person's affairs. We don't have to be afraid to help, however. Here are a few suggestions for helping someone you suspect may be at risk of getting hurt at home.

If you suspect one of your family members, friends or coworkers is a victim:

Do say:

• I am afraid/concerned for you.
• Have you thought about a safety plan?
• You deserve to be treated well. No matter what you do or say, it is not okay for him/her to hurt you.

Don't say:

• Why don’t you leave?
• Why do you let him/her treat you like that?
• "You should . . ." (Victims are empowered by the ability and power to make their own decisions.)

Do:

• Respect the victim’s right to her own feelings, even if you can’t empathize with those feelings.
• Listen and support without passing judgment.
• Inform the victim of resources such as an EAP, etc., that are available through the company, if she/he works.
• Refer the victim to helpful community resources such as legal assistance, safe shelters, and outreach programs.
• If the victim is a coworker, consult with your EAP counselor and/or human resource administrator to discuss your concerns regarding violent or potentially violent situations.
• If the victim is a coworker, maintain confidentiality for the safety of the victim and provide support, yet do not compromise the workplace or go against company policies.
• Stay connected to the victim. Continue to be supportive without condoning the violence.
• Offer to make the call to a battered women's shelter for her or with her.

If you are a supervisor or a manager:

When handling domestic violence in the workplace, supervisors should be equipped with ample referral information. Keep a list of local safe houses, legal resources, and counseling agencies. Remember your professional role is that of supervisor, not of counselor. You can be supportive without compromising professionalism or safety. Back to Top

How do I help someone I think is abusive to his/her partner or family?

Confronting someone you suspect is abusive affects more than the adults involved. By speaking up, you could help the whole family, including children who witness the violence. Speak up before it's too late.

If you suspect a family member, friend or coworker is being abusive at home:

Do:

• Express empathy for difficulties experienced by this person.
• Advise the batterer to stop the violence (just like you would advise someone not to drive drunk).
• Maintain that there is no excuse for violence.
• Remind the person that only he/she controls his/her behavior. No one can make him/her be abusive or lose control.
• Say, "I'm concerned. It's clear that you feel a lot of anger and tension over this. What can we do to make sure nobody gets hurt?"
• Refer the individual to a perpetrator’s intervention and counseling program such as AMEND. AMEND has office locations in Denver, Lakewood, Greenwood Village, Brighton, Thornton, and Castle Rock.
• Provide the individual with referral information to the EAP if he/she is a coworker.
• Make an effort to stay in touch with this person. The perpetrator may be as isolated as the victim. Be persistent and realize you may have to take the initiative.

Don't:

• Blame the victim.
• Be taken in by excuses.
• Assume the victim is safe if he/she says it won’t happen again, even if the person who has been abusive is remorseful.
• Try to physically intervene. Rather, call the police.
• Feel guilty about calling the police. You might be saving someone’s life.

  While reaching out to a suspected victim of domestic violence may be difficult, reaching out to a suspected perpetrator is even harder.

  Calling someone on his or her abusive behaviors may be the hardest thing you ever have to do. It could also be the most compassionate. By addressing a friend, family member, or coworker about abusive behaviors, you could save someone’s life.

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  To Request Information About AMEND Programs, you may contact us here.

  
  

  • 2727 Bryant St., Suite #350
  • Denver, CO 80211
  • 303-832-6363 (303-83-AMEND)
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