THE CHILDREN OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

by Jeanine Mayer, Shelter Children's Manager, SafeHouse

Many individuals believe that domestic violence in the home has no effect on the children who witness this violence. The gross negligence that stems from this misinformation is both criminal and dangerous. The result is that children do not get the support they so desperately need to help them cope, heal and enable them to develop healthy relationships of their own.

"Children exposed to battering of their mothers suffer the same harm and display the same symptoms, including post-tramatic stress disorder, as children who are actually abused" (The Children of Domestic Violence, Report of the Governor's Commission on Domestic Violence of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, 1996). The implications of this statement are unnerving when one takes into consideration the scope of this issue and the number of lives that domestic violence has interrupted.

Children who witness abuse of the mothers "suffer poor health, low self-esteem, poor impulse control, sleeping difficulties, and feelings of powerlessness" (Jaffe, Wolfe and Wilson, Children of Battered Women, 1990). Essentially, the reality is that children who witness violence in their home experience a traumatic event which, in turn, changes the path of their development: neurological, physical, social, and emotional (Treating Traumatized Children).

Children are able to tell and recount the intricate details of the "fights" that occurred in their house as they stood by as on-lookers. "Events can be witnessed in many ways, not just by sight. Children may hear their mothers screams and crying, the abuser's threats; sounds of fist hitting flesh, glass breaking, wood splintering, cursing and degrading language. Children also witness their mother's bruises and torn clothes, holes in walls..." (National Center on Children and Family Law, The Effect of Woman Abuse on Children, 1990).

We live in a society that rates movies and music for age appropriateness because we believe what children watch on the big screen and listen to on the radio will influence their world-view, socialization, fears and sense of safety. And yet, how could one argue that watching their own mother being beaten could not be a significant, life-altering event for any child? The effects of witnessing violence at home are both devasting and long lasting for the children living in this world of chaos, uncertainty and danger, leaving imprints in their memory that cannot be forgotten. If this idea seems unlikely, sit down with a child or an adult who, as a child, has witnessed violence in their home. Listen to their stories.

Working with children who have been forced to learn about domestic violence through their life experience is essential to breaking the cycle of violence and is, therefore, both intervention and prevention. Knowing that "a history of family violence or abuse is the most significant difference between delinquent and non-delinquent youth" is frightening but powerful information. It is also known that a history of family violence is a significant indicator of future family violence (Strauss, Murray A., Gelles Richard J., and Smith, Christine, 1990, Physical Violence in American Families; Risk Factors and Adaptations to Violence in 8,145 Families). Fortunately, we also know that the most significant deterrent in an at-risk youth's life is having a positive role model. SafeHouse recognizes the role that children play in eradication of future domestic violence. It is through our intervention with children that the cycle of violence may be broken.

We must remember and fight for the rights of our children. Their voices speak truth and carry the hopes of our future. Children have a right to protection from abuse and exploitation as well as the right to be brought up in a loving, and nurturing environment (United Nations, Declaration of the Rights of a Child). We cannot forget that the effects of witnessing violence rob children of their right to be a child.


© 2003 SafeHouse Denver, Inc.

SafeHouse Denver, Inc., has been serving domestic violence victims in the metro Denver area for over 25 years. SafeHouse Denver offers a range of services including individual counseling, support groups, advocacy, safety planning, community education, and a 24-hour community crisis/information line, 303-318-9989.

AMEND gladly provides speakers to churches, civic groups, school groups, and others. For information on AMEND's community education efforts, or to request a speaker from AMEND, contact us at 303-832-6363.

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